The King of Fighters 2003 - A Mini FAQ
Ever been beaten by 16 before? Ever feel that the guy that you're playing with is simply too strong for you to beat? Fear not! this mini FAQ teaches one how to gain an upper hand at KOF, written because of the recent success rate I have acheived through hours of painstaking "fakes". And now, without further a due,

Rule no. 1 Break him.
Like other games, KOF also has a groove that you need to get into. High level players are generally good at stuff like concentrating, getting into rhythm and all that shit. So what do you do? irritate the hell out of him. Disrupt his flow, break his rhythm.
Talk Cock
The keyword here is Cock, which means rubbish. It is mandatory that you do this if you ever hope to beat the shit out of him. While it does seem like a more practical idea to ask your opponent for his cute sister's handphone number, it's best to keep the cock-talking relevant to KOF, this gives the impression that you're just talkative; rather than you trying to be funny.
When exercising rule 1, remember to avoid complicated english phrases. A large majority of top-end players are Singlish speaking Singaporeans and hokkien swearing bengs. Here's a scenario to illustrate my point.
[on your opponent's Ryo's Tenchi Haohken connecting(this is his LDM qcfx2 AC for those of you that don't know)]
You: Lucky guess, the Tenchi haohken makes one invulnerable on the 1st-3th frames upon execution. good call.
Saying this obviously wouldn't have much impact as "Wah lao, sibei sway, tyco kia."

Street punks do not understand technical terms like frames, invulnerable(wu(2) di(2) in punk speak) or even the phrase "good call", so remember to speak their language and irritate the fu*k out of them.

Rule No. 2: Gawd help me! His Kyo has 2 stocks!
So your opponent has you cornered, he has 2 stocks for his Mushiki LDM("Super special" in punk speak), you're left with half a bar of life left and no extra change in your pocket for another game; knowing that the next move could well decide the outcome of the game, do you
a)Play it cool and wait for him to screw up?
b)Apply Rule 1?

The answer is neither. Applying rule 1 here isn't going to help since you'll probably be caught in that DM within 3 seconds. Option A is a gamble, determined by your opponent's skill, so it really isn't feasible.
So how now, brown cow? you ask.

To understand how to counter, first understand how you're going to get hit
1)He's going to combo the (L)DM.
2)Your opponent deliberately creates an "opening", you see your chance and jump in to attack him, and thats when you get hit

I can't help you if you fall under (1), but here's how you do it if you fall under the latter catagory.

1)Wait for him to hang the bait. This can be Kyo's double kick, aragami combo, Ryo's DP, anything really.
2)Pretend to fall for it by doing the following
i) Quickly Jerk the joystick forward
ii)You should hear the stick hitting the wooden cabinet, make sure this sound is made audible to your opponent.
iii)Quickly jerk it joystick back to your original blocking motion. Creating the impression that you fell for your adversary's cheap trick.
If done correctly, you should see the screen explode in an array of fireworks as somebody does the DM. Note that between steps (i) to (iii), the image of your character does not budge. This means that it does not move forward(as in step i). Practice makes perfect.


Rule 2 and a half: My opponent caught on, help!
Your opponent caught on, and caught on he did.
Stale joke.
Anyway, he's already found out about your "jerking" style of playing. So what's next? For starters, here's an alternative:

Notice the conventional arcade cabinets have 6 buttons(for SF use, no doubt) but only 4 are in use for KOF.

A B C
D E F

As above, E and F are not used here. So, as per rule 2:

Pretend to fall for it(the move) by doing the following.
i)Jerk joystick forward, but this time do it lightly.
ii)Hit hard on Button F. again, make sure this is audible.
iii)move the stick back to your character's blocking position.
"This sounds cheap!" you say. au contraire.
Remember, ah-bengs have no honour, they just think they do. Sure he's going be sore losing to you after you apply rule 2(who wouldn't?), but that's all in the great scheme of things. There is nothing more gratifying then watching someone you hate exchange more quarters to further challenge you, only to be beaten by the same tactics again. He won't be playing as calmly in the rounds to come, and you can further irritate him by applying rule 1!

Your FAQ is splendid! How can I ever thank you?
Thank you! Your gratitude is all I need. Do remember never to circulate this FAQ to any KOF newbies because they're most likely to get beaten up if they practice the contents within.

All rights reserved.

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A Little Boy
Once Upon a time, there was a little boy. There was nothing special, nothing peculiar about the boy. He was your normal boy. A normal looking, average looking boy whose face had normal features, features that you wouldn't remember a bare minute after looking at him. He was normal, and normal he was, and normal was good.
One day, as the little boy was travellling home, it began to rain. the light drizzle of the afternoon rain slowly covered him. It fell on his hair, his shirt, his shorts, his shoes and on the ground he was walking on; leaving an imprint, a mark no bigger than a 5 cent coin. The boy didn't mind. It was only a drizzle, and a drizzle it was. Any normal person could walk in a drizzle without a need for shelter. He was normal, and thus he could walk without shelter.
But the Lord was *Dulan when he saw this, and dulan he was! The Lord commanded big clouds to form and rain rivers upon the boy. Dark clouds soon began to form, and soon, giant droplets, bigger than that of a $5 note (previously a 5 cent coin), threatened to split open the boy's skull!! The boy was terrified, and terrified he was! for he did not want his skull to end up like the durian husks in geylang! He huffed and he puffed, he ran as fast as he could to the nearst HDB block for shelter. How lucky he was to reach a block of flats in time! and how lucky he was not to get hit by one of those giant droplets! The boy stood awhile to catch his breath, then tilted his head upwards to get better view of is surroundings; as luck would have it, his friend stayed here! right under the boy's nose! Within seconds, the boy was at his friend's door; begging for an umbrella.
His friend gave him a warm sunshine smile, warmer than that of hot mee sua; and passed him the one tool he needed to save his life. The blood umbrella. The red umbrella emitted a faint glow, and hummed softly as the boy opened it. It was the first time he had used such a magnificient object, and he was excited. With such power, the boy could certaintly defy the monstrosity that was falling from the sky.
The boy then walked home with the umbrella sheltering him all the way. He was never alone now, for he knew that he could turn to the red umbrella when he needed help.
All good things come to an end, for there isn't a banquet that lasts forever, or a cow that can perpetually keep on eating grass since it'll die some day. The boy had friends, and friends he had. And one day, these friends came over to pay him a visit. They had brought along their own umbrellas, for the skies looked cloudy on that day. Yes, his friends came over to watch the boy play Final Fantasy XI online, and it wasn't until a few hours later that they decided to leave. But alas...
There was rain! and rain there was! panicking, the boy's friends each grabbed an umbrella each, and rushed out into the rain. The boy, teary eyed, waved as he watched his friends slowly dissappeared from sight. He then took a step back and turned around; not prepared for the horror that laid in wait.
"OMFG! WTH? Where's the CB ang umblella?" (oh my? where's the red umbrella?)
*gasp*
Shocked reaction from audience...
The shock, the horror that the boy experienced when he learnt that his friends took the wrong umbrella home, leaving a GREEN umbrella behind in its place!
The little boy wept. The little boy cried. He poured his heart out. For the red umbrella was no longer there anymore.
Days passed, and those days turned to weeks, and those weeks passed, and those weeks turned into months, and those months passed. and passed were those months; and you've just wasted 5 seconds reading this. Anyway, it was raining again. and one of the little boy's little friends came to pay him a little visit. And this little friend of the little boy brought along his own umbrella. for it was raining that day. The little boy and his little friend then drove, in their little nissan cefiro, to a little arcade in a little town to play a little KOF. They had fun, and fun they had. Things soon came to an end, and the little friend had to part with the little boy. Waving their goodbyes as they parted, the little boy then sped home...and to his horror...
He discovered that his little friend had left his GREY umbrella in his car! WTF?? now the little boy has 3 umbrellas owing (don't forget the red umbrella here).

*Dulan - pissed
_________

This is a true story. Names were not referenced to protect the stoopid.

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The Thing With Self Destructiveness
I write this because I've recently taken notice of the increasing number of people around me exhibiting signs of self-destructiveness. Those who know me probably have heard about the recent passing of a friend; the cause of his death unknown. The event serves as a catalyst in penning this entry, for the ultimate act of self-destructiveness is suicide.
The following are the more common symptoms manifesting themselves in our everyday lives.

-People who display signs of self-destruction tend to be narcissists, a preoccupation with one's nature and one's personnal needs. They're egocentric as a result, and perceive the world to be revolving around them. They are very much aware of their own pain and suffering, but have little or no real feeling for the tribulations of others.

-People with such behaviour are generally unable to face up to to reality. The conscious perception that they have is that they themselves are a victim of external causes not within their control. Such is a result of their ego defense mechanism.

-Accident Proneness is indicated when an individual has a series of injuries in which either standard safety precautions are disregarded or there is an element of carelessness. Once again, the victim protests that he/she is unlucky and puts the blame on circumstance.

There are other, more serious symptoms to be highlighted; such as self-abasement, asceticism
and masochism in addition to the more serious ones above, but I'll leave it at that; since no one I know falls under that range(That and I'm tired).

"Oh sure, that's not me. " That's what the average joe (exhibiting such symptoms) would say. Remember, it is normal for that self destructive someone to deny themselves reality. The solution seems to be a simple one, to realise why and what is contributing to your case of self destructiveness; which would mean having to face reality, and put an end to it. Easier said than done.
This is where your family, relatives, friends and pet dog come in. People who know that you have this problem generally can help. Remember that maintaining a closed mind isn't going to get you anywhere, and neither will turning a deaf ear to the people that challenge your beliefs.

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ha.
Being the lazy person I am, here are more engineer jokes.

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions.
The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant." "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant. "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager. "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired. "Simple," said the Department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

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It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they were developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test and made only one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."

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Engineer Identification Test
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him/her this test to discern the truth. Y

ou walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "it depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole thing on "Marketing."

The most important thing that results from social interaction is...
A. Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
B. A feeling of connectedness with other humans
C. A way to demonstrate your mental superiority and mastery of all subjects

The correct answer is "C".

You find yourself in the men's department at Sack's Fifth Avenue. You...
A. Immediately run out.
B. Buy the latest Gucci suit with a plum tie to match.
C. Find a suit that satisfies the basic threshold for temperature and decency, and buy it regardless of its appearance.

This is a trick question-- an engineer wouldn't be caught DEAD in Sack's. Partial credit will be given for "A" or "C" however. If you answered "B" it is safe to assume that you will never be an engineer, and can forget about completing this test.

Across the row of cubicles, you see a man frozen, staring at his computer screen, apparently in some coma-state form of consciousness. You...
A. Call for help immediately.
B. Run over and check the man's pulse to ensure he is still alive.
C. Return to your desk and continue working.

The correct answer is "C". Engineers have very keen powers of concentration, and could possibly be mistaken for dead. A fellow engineer would recognize this and go about his business unaffected.

A person is considered "cool" by:

A. The number of cool technological devices they own.
B. Their IQ (the higher, the cooler)
C. The number of Star Trek episodes or Monty Python lines they can recite from memory.Of course, the answer to this question is "all of the above."

As you add the results of this test, we hope this has assisted you in separating the real engineers from any "knock-offs!"

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$88/- Poorer
Jack and Linda are getting married the week after the next. It's so odd to think that all of my friends are finally "of age." Technically speaking, pretty much everybody I know has passed the age threshold, but now we're talking about the emotional, maturity threshold, which leads to a larger and far more profound arena of significance. We're talking marriage here. No kid stuff anymore. Despite my age, I geel like I'm uncomfortably being nudged into the adult world. geez.
It's strange thinking about the real world. It's no longer an inevitability but a present reality. It's intimidating, to say the least. I mean wow, you know? We're all growing up.

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Engineer Jokes
Feel my pain...
One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying. T
he Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man who could then see and was happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said, "Lord, I am an engineer." ...and the Lord sat down and cried with him.
_____

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don't pee on our hands."
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Engineers & Accountants on a Train
Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer. They all boarded the train.
The accountants took their respective seats, but all three engineers cramed into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decided to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" said one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants cramed into a restroom and the three engineers cramed into another nearby. The train departed.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

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Kidnapping For Dummies - by Abdel Aziz Al Moqrin
The above is a excerpt from issue 10 of Al Battar, al-Qaida's online training manual written by Abdel Aziz Al Moqrin, leader of al-Qaida's Saudi Arabian cell who was killed in June. It provides a detailed, yet simplified guide on the dos and don'ts of kidnapping. Much hype over it since the recent hostage incident we've been hearing about. Some of the more intresting points in the manual include:

The Objectives of a kidnapping
1. Force the government or the enemy to succumb to some demands.
2. Put the government in a difficult situation that will create a political embarrassment between the government and the countries of the detainees.
3. Obtaining important information from the detainees.
4. Obtaining ransoms.
5. Bringing a specific case to light. For example, this occurred at the beginning of the cases in Chechnya and Algeria, with the hijacking of the French plane and the kidnapping operations performed by the brothers in Chechnya and the Philippines.

How to deal with Hostages
Separate the young people from the old, the women and the children.
The young people have more strength, hence their ability to resist is high.
The security forces must be killed instantly. This prevents others from showing resistance.
Speak in a language or dialect other than your own, in order to prevent revealing your identity
Wire the perimeter of the hostage location to deny access to the enemy.

The kidnapping guide also includes a description of the psychological makeup of would-be kidnappers, which should have been helpful to negotiators and law enforcement officials on the scene:
Requirements needed in forming a kidnapping group:
-Capability to endure psychological pressure and difficult circumstances. In case of public kidnapping, the team will be under a lot of pressure. Intelligence and quick reflexes are needed in order to deal with an emergency.
-Capability to take control over the adversary. The brother is required to possess fighting skills that will enable him to paralyze the adversary and seize control of him.
-Good physical fitness and fighting skills.
-Awareness of the security requirements, prior to, during, and after the operation.
-Ability to use all types of light weapons for kidnapping.

The plans outline how the team should be divided into various groups. The groups included:
-Protection group whose role is to protect the abductors.
-The guarding and control group whose role is to seize control of the hostages, and get rid of them in case the operation fails.
-The negotiating group whose role is extremely important and sensitive. In general, the leader of this group is the negotiator. He conveys the Mujahideen’s demands, and must be intelligent, decisive, and determined.

The plans advise the kidnappers on how to handle negotiations. It encourages them to minimize the length of time that the negotiations are allowed to continue and advises them of the necessity of remaining calm at all times.
It particularly warns them to be alert for signs of stalling on the part of the negotiators.
"In case of any stalling, starting to execute hostages is necessary. The authorities must realize the seriousness of the kidnappers and their dedicated resolve and credibility in future operations.”
It summarizes as follows:
Security measures for public kidnapping:
-Detention must not be prolonged.
-In case of stalling, hostages must be gradually executed, so that the enemy knows we are serious.
-When releasing hostages such as women and children, be careful, as they may transfer information that might be helpful to the enemy.
-You must verify that the food transported to the hostages and kidnappers is safe. This is done by making the delivery person and the hostages taste the food before you. It is preferable that an elderly person or a child brings in the food, as food delivery could be done by a covert special forces’ person.
-Beware of the negotiator.
-Stalling by the enemy indicates their intention to storm the location.
-Beware of sudden attacks as they may be trying to create a diversion which could allow them to seize control of the situation.
-Combating teams will use two attacks: a secondary one just to attract attention, and a main attack elsewhere.
-In case your demands have been met, releasing the hostages should be made only in a place that is safe to the hostage takers.
-Watch out for the ventilation or other openings as they could be used to plant surveillance devices through which the number of kidnappers could be counted and gases could be used.
-Do not be emotionally affected by the distress of your captives.
-Abide by Muslim laws as your actions may become a Da’wa [call to join Islam].
-Avoid looking at women.

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Singapore as a food paradise
I haven't been blogging much in the past week, so this long post should pretty much make up for it. First off, a few minor changes, people out there have been criticizing the blog, saying that I pen too much military stuff for my own good, even the background reflects the conventional colour(green) of my country's(Singapore) armed forces. I have hence decided to lay off on topics concerning the SAF, and touch on the more "normal" (read: boring) topics that most of us blog about in our everyday life. Yes, this does mean that there won't be anymore pro-terrorism bloogings, and no more green background. I hope you f**kers out there are happy!!

One of the many wierd customs my friends practice on their birthdays: treat others to a meal at his/her expense. This sounds wierd because it is the birthday dude that's supposed to get the free lunch, and not the other way around. Anyway, being the adventurous bunch we are, we decided to have spicy hot pot; otherwise known as ma(2) la(4) huo(3) guo(1), instead of the usual Sizzler/Crystal Jade fare. oh boy.

Carefully examine the sides of the plate, and notice the original level of gravy in it. When it was first served, I couldn't even see the noodles due to the immense amount of gravy, and had to spend 5 minutes gulping down starch before I could catch a hint of beef. Bah, there wasn't enough noodles to even make me 10% full. All that starch for $3.50.

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Dear Chechen terrorists,
Way to make hostages out of little children and their families, guys. I wasn't on your side before when you held up that theatre in Russia last year, but this strategic coup against that impregnable elementary school of oppression has won me over. It serves those people right for being, you know, innocent and defenseless. When are people going to realize that they just can't get away with living their lives in peace? I mean, how dare they? I'm sure this is exactly the kind of action that the international community needed before it started to feel sympathetic to your cause. Good job, and keep up the good work.

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All about "John"
With Reference to my post dated 01/09/2004-"What do girls look for in a guy?", the following are a compliation of comments made over "John". Personally, I find some of them pretty amusing.

Idol...Mine can't even stand after 3.
-Some dude on ejaculations.

Tua(3) Kang(1) (rubbish), 5 times leh!
-some jealous, impotent guy.

Is your friend rich? KY jelly and condoms are so ex. plus he zhua(3) xiao(3) (ejaculate) so often somemore.

besides... you got da pimpmastah as a friend.
-Someone on why I can't get a girl (this one's my fav)

Can ask him help mi buy condom?
-retarded jackass

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A list of Army Acronyms
Compiled because I have absolutely nothing to do atm, here are a list of rather well known SAF acronyms.

Acronym	What it really means	What it means
OCS	Only Chaokeng/Clown Survive	Officer Cadet Sch.
SISPEC	Suffer In Silence Plus Extra Confinement	Sch. of Infantry Specialists
COS	Company Only Slave	Company Orderly Specialist
SOA	School of Animals	School of Armour/Artillery
OETI	Only Eat, Talk and Idle	Ordnance Eng. Training Inst.
NS	National Slavery	National Service
F.O.	F**k Off.	-
SAF	Serve and F**k Off	S'pore Armed Forces
RECORD	You REC. I ORD.	How to spell 'Record'?
EECCBLLYLP	Eng Eng Cheng Cheng Bua Long Long Yo Lam Pa	...never mind this one.
Tekong	Tekan	Pulau Tekong

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All your base are belong to us(chirp!).
I can feel my patience dwindling as I type this. A month ago, the local pigeon population in my area was chased out of the locality by a group of thug-like abominations who I shall only refer to as the "skinny zombie pigeons". They have since invited their entire extended family over to set up residence in my roof, and hold barbecue parties once every week up there for the fun of it. Since their nest happens to be directly above me(my terminal), I am thus exposed to alot of the shitty noises that they make. Especially during the peak hours when they have their meals, flying lessons and karaoke sessions. It is simply unimaginable how evil could manifest itself in the form of birds, and unbelieveable how much noise they can make by walking around in your roof(They must be wearing boots). All my antics to stop them have unfortunately been quelled my my mom, who once caught me with a lighter and a can of Shieldtox(think flamethrower).
Birds. Curses.

locals being pushed around

The Sharingan

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The Army Open House 2004
Main attractions include the Chin-up challenge, where participants vie for the most number of chinups per minute, a chance for civilians to handle some of the SAF's small arms(yes, range with live rounds) and a live firing display, ranging from small to high calibre guns. A pity kids under 12 don't get to throw hand grenades though. Here are some posters to commemorate the event.

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What do girls look for in guys?
The following is an excerpt from an ICQ conversation between a friend of mine and me with regards to a girl he met tru the internet. For privacy's sake, we shall name the former John.

Truth or myth? Women are attracted to men with power and money. I know this from the recent publishings in the papers about how foreign chicks dig local guys that are rich; and the many articles plastered over the web (like the ladder theory ) about the wonders money, power and physical attraction can do in helping one bag a chick. While this does not apply to all the females out there, it does apply to a majority of them. But I'm constantly being proven wrong(and yes, quite baffled) by people like John, a student with average looks, no earning power, average IQ, and no social standing, yet with a long history of girlfriends; the only thing backing him up seems to be his amicable personality and somewhat cheerful demeanour, a quality which is not paramount in the equation of a girls needs.
I am hence, as a result of people like John, tempted to dismiss the above as a myth and to follow a fundamental belief which I always had faith in, that Most people will treat you well if you're nice to them, keep on doing this, and you'll one day eventually find that girl you're looking for. I am aware that the statement sounds weak, but it isn't entirely without logic. This is the time where I wish I could illustrate the worth of my argument by getting my girlfriend to pen a testimonial for me; but alas! I'm anything but attached.

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